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I remember walking through the halls of high school feeling like a zombie, soulless and completely alone. I was 15 years old and my parents had just split up. I was angry, confused and didn’t know where to turn.

I had grown up in the Catholic church, and even as a young girl, had a strong sense of my soul, my connection with God and an innocent understanding of heaven. But as I grew older, the desires of the flesh became more and more overpowering. I was being pulled in so many directions by society—how to look, what it takes to be cool, and pressure to go too far in my dating relationships. I wanted independence—to control the direction of my life and rule my miniature universe, but my life was broken and I felt completely lost.

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Around that time, my friends were being confirmed in the Catholic church, but I knew in the depth of my being that I could not go through with it. I was not willing to dedicate my life and my future children’s life to a church when I didn’t even know who God was anymore.

I tried to start over in college. I made new friends and started dating new people, but that lost, unsure feeling remained. I fought for finding myself and looked for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong guys. I partied, disrespected myself and dishonored my soul.

I was still angry about what happened with my parents and had completely stopped talking to my father. I knew I needed help, but had no idea how to find it. I was so used to being the strong daughter and the one others could lean on. I was too proud to say that I was drowning.

My desire to know Jesus was renewed when I began dating a guy who did not believe in anything. It was so foreign to me that someone could just not believe in anything…not even a higher power, nothing! My internal alarm went off like a 15-story building was on fire! Get out!

I knew of Scottsdale Bible Church and decided I wanted to check out the 20s group. When I finally went, as I walked in, a girl moved her purse so I could sit next to her. I thought, “Wow, I could have sat in these other two empty chairs next to her, but she moved her bag for me, a complete stranger.” At the end of the teaching, I asked her if there was a women’s small group that she knew of, and she answered, “yes, I’m the leader of one.” I could not believe it. I knew God was calling on me, and this time I was ready to listen.

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I got involved in the study and eventually came to Jesus, asking Him to take control of my life. Even then, I knew I still had some healing to do. If I wanted a healthy relationship and marriage in the future, I needed to solve my issues with the men in my life, starting with God, my heavenly father, and then my biological father. But I could not do it alone.

The anger I had stored inside for years was overbearing, so I finally let go and gave it to Jesus. The second I did, I felt forgiveness rush through my veins. My anger melted away and I admitted to myself that I needed my Dad. I knew from that moment on that I could not live without God for another moment. I would stop turning my back on Him, and I would obey Him.

Since coming into a relationship with Jesus, I am a different person and I’ve restored my faith in what is good. Now, I am able to look in the mirror and face the things I’ve done wrong. I’m still human, but I am able to tune out the temptations of the flesh with more ease. Every day, I am learning more how Jesus is changing my life. Today, I’m not afraid to say, “Jesus is my Savior, I am obedient to Him, and His will is perfect.”

Scottsdale Bible’s 20s Group meets every week.