This has profound meaning when we consider that only the things we do for Christ, while here on earth, will last into eternity. It’s not a Pollyanna or unrealistic attempt at life, but it does take work and commitment to gain that focus with any consistency. And it doesn’t take being a Billy Graham, George Műller or Mother Teressa to have a high EPQ. God can improve ours with prayer and the desire to be the best that He created us to be. It will color every action of our waking hours.

Many have Christ so real in their daily doings that their actions and words are consistent no matter the obstructions in their day. For me though, and I suspect a lot of others, it’s easy to see my words and actions reflect the world view instead of those that bring joy to Jesus. I need all the help I can get to see my actions growing in godliness, such that He increases and I decrease.

EPQ is vital to our relationships. It won’t restore the pink haze of courtship, but it will certainly prevent despair in difficult times – and most importantly of all, it will keep us connected to the source of Power that created the universe and Who gives us life and purpose.

God designed us, so much of what we become is as a result of His working in and through our relationships while still here on earth. We are called by Jesus, and reminded by John, Peter and Paul, that our calling is to love God and to love one another as ourselves – and yet, we often are more caught up in the busy-ness or self-centered things of life, and fail to keep our EPQ high.

Our Eternal Perspective, if well cared for, and prayed for, will bring a joy-filled anticipation – looking forward to how God will work in “this situation” or “that one”. As we increasingly long for it, and He is faithful to change us, we’ll find that more and more of our day we know and trust His presence. Applied to our blind spots, our hidden sin, our fears, we see each fresh victory with unbounded joy and peace in our heart.

Consider the last disagreement you had with your spouse. We all have them, so it’s a case of the “normals” for us all. Whether the issue was resolved or not, did the process in that disagreement bring glory to God? How about the last time you had a decision to make—where there wasn’t a disagreement, just the need to choose an action— did the process bring glory to Christ?

Note: I did not ask if the process “felt good”, because the “stuff” of marriage does not always feel good – sometimes it’s just downright hard. The process though, can bring glory to Christ !

Did you treat your spouse with respect, honoring each other, giving validation to them in the process and showing love to one another as we are told, in the Great Commandment.

“And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:35:39

Our closest neighbor is, of course, our spouse. When we both lay aside our personal agendas and commit the process, and the outcome, to the central focus of bringing glory to our Savior, frustration, anger and bitterness are cut off, and the right solution comes soon. When either of us holds onto our personal agenda, God is cut off, and we’re stuck with the ensuing power struggle OR one of us withdraws in defeat. Who wins? Certainly not our marriage, and sadly, neither does our relationship with God.

Our EP Quotient is truly crucial to the vitality of our life and our marriage, and yet we seemingly ignore it when we do not keep a focus on our day that is upward. Can you imagine what political campaigns would be like if they were created with a high EPQ? Or on the freeway, if more drivers had a high EPQ?

It starts with you and me. We can ask God daily to increase our EPQ, and we can, in our fellowship groups or accountability groups, ASK others to point out to us when they perceive that our EPQ is falling short. If we’re truly interested in becoming the man or woman that God created us to be, then practically speaking, such vulnerability with our spouse is probably the most effective avenue. No one here on earth knows us better, and has a greater vested interest in our becoming someone who chooses to be all that God intended.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore,,,” Jeremiah 29:11-14a

Our prayer for you is that you’ll be real and vulnerable with your spouse – that you will ask one another first how emotionally safe each feels with the other (using a scale of 1-10), and then if the number is below 9 or 8, ask what you can do to make it safer. (Sure, ask even IF it’s an 8 or 9.) Talk about what it will take, and work on being truly safe with each other.

The risk may be high, but the reward of living out 1 Peter 2:20 will sustain us in it. Safety doesn’t happen overnight, but in the meantime each can prayerfully ask God to guide his or her own thinking to a higher EPQ. When one has arrived at a level they feel safe enough to take the plunge – they could ask to be lovingly and gently reminded when their spouse believes their EP Quotient is faltering.

The one being reminded should hear it with grace, no argument, no excuses or defensiveness. Thank your spouse for their observation, take it as information only, and talk to the Lord about their comment; seek instruction, and if need be, reproof – as we learn to hunger for and eagerly seek for newer levels of godliness in ourselves and raise our EPQ.

You Will Learn

• A greater understanding of God’s gift of sexuality.
• A sexual vocabulary that helps husbands and wives discuss sexual issues.
• God’s design for resolving sexual desire conflicts in marriage.
• Creative heart-honoring ways to initiate intimacy with your spouse.
• What’s “normal” in sexual response and activity.
• How to determine what’s sexually acceptable for Christian couples.
• The critical role of emotional and spiritual intimacy for healthy physical intimacy.

Questions Answered by Dr. Sytsma

Do I need to pre-register?

• Yes, for two reasons. First, each individual will receive a workbook they will use during the workshop and a gift bag for after the workshop. We need to know how many of these to prepare, which requires pre-registration.
• Second, we ask the host facility to set up the facility so there is space between each couple. This helps you feel a bit more intimate but also means there is room for fewer couples than normal. Due to space limitations, we highly recommend you register early.
• We do not guarantee space or materials for those hoping to register at the last minute or who show up at the door without pre-registration.

You recommend staying at a hotel. Why?

Local couples sometimes want to save some money by staying at home and just driving in for the workshop. While this makes sense initially, we have found that couples really lose something. In the past we have required couples attending this workshop to stay at a local hotel (we even paid the hotel to disconnect the TV’s in all the rooms we were using). We want your spouse and marriage to be the only thing you are focused on for this weekend. Couples who drive in leave the workshop Friday evening with an assignment that is difficult to do if you are focused on getting home, taking the baby sitter home, making sure the kids are in bed and handling the routine things that will come up at home. Then in the morning you need to be up early enough to manage the kids, get the sitter and drive to the workshop. Even if the time isn’t an issue, couples focus back on family life, not on each other. Thus, you don’t receive the impact designed for this workshop.

When you complete the registration below, you will receive a confirmation email with a link directly to a workshop group registration page at Hilton’s Homewood Suites here in Scottsdale. A limited number of Spacious suites are blocked for you at a rate of $40 plus tax per night, so book early as they may sell out quickly. Complementary transportation from the hotel Friday evening and Saturday morning are provided by Homewood, as is a full hot breakfast.

“Some of us were talking about coming together but I’m not sure. With the topic and all, I’m afraid it will be a bit embarrassing to be there with friends.”

It can be difficult to talk openly about sexual topics and you have expressed a very common concern. In reality, we work to make this workshop as safe as we can. In the past we have had therapists and clients, pastors and elders, bosses and employees, extended family, and close friends all attending the same workshop without embarrassment. Other than on breaks the only time couples interact is in the very beginning of the workshop. All other times couples stay focused on their spouse and their marriage. Even questions are asked anonymously by submitting question cards so you can ask your question without embarrassing yourself or your spouse.

“We are having some sexual problems in our marriage. Will this workshop help?”

This workshop is designed to be an enrichment workshop. That means that it is targeted for those who have a generally good marriage but want to improve it. It is not designed to replace therapy or other more specific help.

That being said, our research shows that approximately 50% of the couples attending the workshop can name a specific sexual area they would like to see significantly improved. Most of those couples do find help in the workshop. Some realize they need to seek individualized help, but others take the starter help given and expand on it.

“I have some specific questions I would like to get answers to. Will we be able to ask questions at this workshop?”

One of the most popular segments of the workshop is the “Ask Dr. Mike” section. All through the workshop couples will have blank question cards on their table. You can write any question you want on those cards without identifying who you are. We collect them in a box and answer them during the “Ask Dr. Mike” talk. Any question within our topic area is fair game.

“I have additional questions about the workshop. How can I get answers?”

You can call Scottsdale Bible Church, or drop us a note by email. We’ll get back with you as soon as possible. If enough people ask the same question, we’ll add it to this list. The Marriage Ministry office number is 480 824 7299.

Workshop Schedule

Friday Evening, 5–7 p.m.

• Welcome
• Introduction
• Making Love
• Setting the Atmosphere for Passionate Intimacy

Dinner Date
This is a couple date on your own. Couples will be given an assignment and sent to dinner. Couples will choose a place for dinner in the area and complete their assignment over dinner.

After Dinner
Couple time on your own. We strongly encourage couples to reserve a room at a hotel in the area. This gives couples time to relax away from home, talk about the assignments and be well rested for Saturday.

Saturday, 9 a.m.–4 p.m.

• The Heart of Sex from Scripture
• “I want you to want me…” – Sexual Desire in marriage
• Initiating Sexual activity

Lunch Break
This is a couple date on your own. Couples will be given an assignment and sent to lunch at a local establishment of their choice.

• How to really Arouse your spouse
• Reaching the Apex
• Basking in the Afterglow
• Ask Dr. Mike

“Ask Dr. Mike” is one of the most popular sections of the workshop as participants anonymously ask Dr. Mike any question they have on sex.

Home to apply what you’ve learned – 4:00pm

Workshop Presenter

Dr. Michael Sytsma is an acclaimed author and director of Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. and will be teaching all sessions. As a preview, go Your Life Questions Answered (http://iquestions.com/video/view/855) to see and listen to Dr. Sytsma You may also search for “Sytsma” on the IQuestions site for other topics he has commented on.

Registration

The cost is $95 per couple. Childcare is available for $10 per child (max $20 per family) for both days (scholarships may be available based on need). Register here for this relationship-enhancing workshop!